Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
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He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
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You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger