Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
