Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
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Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
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Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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