I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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