i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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