just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
