I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
