Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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