I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
