So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
