1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
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