I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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