You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
