Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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