Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
is wine microwaveable?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
