Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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