if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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