I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He? As in you personified your dick?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think I just sharted jello shots
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
