Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
