R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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