Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize