Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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