The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
