I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
