I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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