It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
