Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
