I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
