Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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