She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Found your dick twin last night
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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