well you can't waste a boner
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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