My liver just broke up with me...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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