i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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