I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Who died my cat blue again?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
