I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
