He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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