Don't you send me to vm
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Randomize
