I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
