Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
