Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
