He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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