How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
