I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Michael Bay diarrhea
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
