I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hippo gnu deer
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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