I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
