I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
