Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
