Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
