You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
