Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
