i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
