i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
