I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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