She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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