Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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