you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
