I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
