Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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