i think my tv is drunk
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
