we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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