The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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