Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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