the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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