Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
