I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
