I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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