My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
