You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
