A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
