What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
