yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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